did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
