Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
