They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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