My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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