That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
