so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
