i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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