Me too!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
