It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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