I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
