Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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