There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Come on in and take your pants off
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
