Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
