Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
