He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
