Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
