can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
