I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
