this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
