Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
