Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
