Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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