What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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