K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
