my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
