Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
