Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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