i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
