Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
