I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
