sarcasm needs its own font
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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