I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
