pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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