I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
