My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
