Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
