I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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