im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
