You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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