I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
