it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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