Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
