I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
