It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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