I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
