PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
