I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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