just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
