In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
