please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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