I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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